Sunday, May 1, 2011

May 1, 2011

I am amused.
I am a muse
By you
My dear.

I wonder if there’s still an effect
Or if
There ever was.

The idea has been left unspoken
Though I’ve felt it
And like it.

It’s guided my actions
With You
And around you
And I finally see a place with you
Though Distance is between us.

I’ve been amused.
I’ve been a muse
By you
My dear. 

Sunday, November 21, 2010


So, show me my maker
so I can so I can show her this hole.
It was filled with desires
that I made on my own.
But my soul has been cleansed
and this heart now rings true.
And is ready to be filled with a true love for you.

But you've left me alone
with this love which survives.
And my soul is awake, and alert, and revived.
Embrace this abundance
let me share it with you.
Let us be one again
instead of just two.

Please let me not love you through words anymore.
But, you've waited enough
and your heart's not assured.
So I'll bow to humility as my central virtue.
And breathe out the love that's still bound into you.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Fight the Power of Advertising

Jean Kilbourne’s introduction “A Girl of Many Parts: The Making of an Activist,” discusses gendered media representations in advertisements, audience interpretations of these advertisements, and the social context of representations and interpretations. She explains how advertising images devalue women and focus on impractical beauty standards. The goal of advertising creates an emotional relationship and connection among advertisements, products, and consumers. Creating a false emotional attachment to ads and products is similar to what happens in an addictive relationship (Kilbourne 27). The way an alcoholic relies on a drink for false fulfillment, the consumer relies on a product. Kilbourne explains, “Advertising, an enormously important part of our culture, contributes mightily to the climate of denial in which relationships flounder and addictions flourish. I will also argue that these two consequences are related: disconnection (loss, rejection, isolation, abuse) especially in early life, drives many people to addiction, which in turn makes authentic connection impossible” (Kilbourne 26). If consumers deny this addiction, then they continue to substitute products as coping skills and human connection. The earlier in life and more frequently it is denied, the more authentic connections consumers find with a product. Consumers must recognize an advertiser’s profit making goals and actively resist the temptation to contribute to materialism and conspicuous consumption.

Kilbourne asserts the “problem of addiction” cannot be resolved in a corrupted cultural environment (30). This environment is difficult to navigate. The advertising representations are made in a culture where corporations seek profit, not women’s liberation (Kilbourne 30). If a magazine advertisement depicts a woman as a sex slave, domestic goddess, or entrepreneur, the advertisement remains as the company’s attempt to increase profit. Companies can sell a lifestyle, but not a fulfilling one. Advertisers make false promises about products; consumers buy into the promises, and make false connections with the products and promises.

Kilbourne asks us to examine our personal actions and find a time where we have used a product to suppress unwanted emotion, or produce a desired feeling (28). Examining my own lifestyle and actions, I am embarrassed by my past, but consoled as well. My current relationship with the media makes me feel more empowered. Before I truly began examining my “relationship” with products, the attachment I had with brand names was disgusting. In the past, I had particular brand names I associated with myself. If I did not own or wear what I thought represented me, I felt selfless or as if something was missing. I still feel what you wear can help represent how you feel on a particular day, but I do not think it should tell the story of who you are. Color and pattern can help evoke a certain mood, but not explain my wonderful spiritual self. I do not have those selfless feelings as I grow older and more become self-aware, but I still have daily requirements.

The products I consume do not define my person, but they have become an addictive substitute. I am referring to cigarettes and a daily cup of Starbucks coffee. My addiction with cigarettes began at time when I lost the personal connections I once knew and felt comfortable with. Cigarettes became a connector between other smokers and myself as a common ground. I actually met one of my best friends smoking outside the dorms at my old college. The advertisements did not lure me in, but the product’s substitution for feeling lonely stuck with me. I am no longer lonely, but I am still smoking seven years later.

My second daily requirement, Starbucks coffee, holds the same status of being both a connector and repressor. I go to coffee shops to either study, connect with other people, or repress my feeling of being tired and dreading work while drinking coffee. However, I laugh at the products’ advertisements. Starbucks tells me I am doing something for conservation. They explain, “I’m doing my part,” “have been for tens years,” and I should be “proud of myself” (Figure 1). It’s actually posted on the bathroom wall. Honestly, the message made me feel good once, but then I consciously thought, “If I forget my own cup, I create trash and that is not very earth friendly. Also, Starbucks has only been open in this area for about three years, I started frequenting the shop about two years ago, and so doing my part for ten years is impossible.” Recognizing the connection between advertisements and their message is important. Products advertised can ultimately become addicting. Understanding the messages advertisers send is necessary, as they are profit-making ventures. Products cannot support emotional wellbeing.

Kilbourne, Jean. “Deadly Persuasion: Why Women and Girls Must Fight the Addictive Power of Advertising.” Introduction. A Girl of Many Parts: The Making of an Activist. New York: The Free Press. 1999. 17-32. Print.
MacDonald, Chris. You Are Starbucks. The Business Ethics Blog. Created 09 July 2009. Accessed 17 September 2009.

Monday, February 22, 2010


Hope floats past my brain's blue note
My body exists as a mere anecdote
This all began as a lump in the throat
Practice the piano till emotions are remote

You strike the first key you see
The hammer collides with the string most intelligently
Then vibrates its characteristic frequency
That melody is far too pretty for me

What's with this flow of energy?
That tone struck some chord inside of me
You play your songs so beautifully

Thoughts exist not to set me free
But displace my actions beyond certainty

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Building Better Bisexual Worlds

In “Monsters from the Id,” Margaret Tarratt argues that science fiction aliens are externalized representations of unconscious drives. This science fiction film adjusts gender representations and identifications. In it, women possess masculine traits. Tarratt quotes Freud stating, “the Id…is filled with energy reaching it from the instincts but has no organization, produces no collective will, but only a striving to bring about the satisfaction of the instinctual needs subject to the observance of the pleasure principle” (349). The alien in Aliens represents the fear of human’s bisexual nature. The embodiment is gendered feminine carrying horrific, grotesque, repulsive, and violent qualities. The alien’s visual characteristics and Ripley’s victory over the alien represent the fear of human’s bisexual nature.

The creation of ordered meaning from Freud and Lacan’s ideas of unconscious desires leads to socially constructed gender roles. These ideas structure film and the audience’s reception. The man, as an active spectator, objectifies the woman. Sexual difference positions men in a higher status of the symbolic order and woman largely exists as the Other. The feminine gender representations held on a day-to-day basis are merely a performance. The instance of a bisexual nature would claim there is an oscillation between the masculine and feminine roles. That is to say, they are not fixed. The feminine sex, but bisexual identity, could possess traditionally masculine traits without causing castration anxiety, reason with rationality, not relying largely on the feminine quality of emotion, and perform the maternal function. The masculine sex, but bisexual gender identity, could ideally possess traditionally feminine traits without castration anxiety. In a sense, the blending of both gender identities would be a complimentary desire and a type of accepted “incorporation.” As the boundaries between aliens and human are consumed, humans then feel something is lost because their human body is treated as a host. Currently, under a capitalist patriarchal society, a man may feel the same way. From the masculine gender, being feminized is consuming. If masculinity has been breeched, men are feminized, and die. Their ever important masculinity would be lost if a bisexual nature were identified.

The alien in Aliens (1986) has the place of the absolute other. In an evolutionary sense, she is hyper-reproductive. Examining the nature of the beast before it is known, one crew member insinuates, “Maybe...there’s one female that runs the whole show. She’s badass.” He is right. She is the ultimate other, creating tons of babies, which live for the process of incorporation. Ripley refers to the alien’s baby as, “A dangerous organism.” The organism is dangerous because of the fear of incorporation. It presents the fear of men being feminine, or of women being masculine. She is not attractive, but here, the body of woman is rather grotesque.

The female character, Vasquez, appears to be very masculine. She is a muscular Marine. When she first sees Ripley, she criticizes her, calling her “Snow White.” When the squad enters, they send her in first, but she must carry a huge phallic gun. In the beginning of the film, Ripley is initially characterized as the emotional mad woman. In addition, she dreams of incorporation pleading, “Kill me!” We later learn she is the cool, rational, woman who can have it both ways. She can drive the loader, play the mom role, wear short hair, and keep the symbolic nuclear family together. The human females are allowed a degree of oscillation.

When an alien attacks Ripley and Newt, the evil Burke, a capitalist patriarchal symbol, turns off the monitor that could help save them. Ripley exposes the darker side of masculinity of Burke in opposition to the alien’s hyper femininity. She asks, “Which species is worse?” He is the villain, and we are glad to see him die through incorporation.

The alien is represented as a killing machine, so we are repulsed. The birth imagery plays out often. When the crew is in the womb, everything is chaotic. When her babies come in through the tunnel, or long corridor, only phallic guns can destroy them. They eventually retreat because the aliens are apparently intelligent. The alien’s babies, visually bisexual, are the embodiment of castration anxiety. The method of reproduction represents female repressed sexual desires. Like the abyss, the alien’s womb symbolizes Lacan’s male castration anxiety. There is an obsessive focus on the female body. The squad escapes through a small red corridor. The child, Newt, knows the way because technically, she has been the last one out of the womb. Nevertheless, the womb also sucks her back in.

Ripley’s victory over the alien represents the fear of humans' bisexual nature. Ripley carries a huge fire-launching gun. As a mucous alien-baby begins to emerge, threatening Newt, the child screams. The feminine speaks. Ripley removes Newt from the gross embryo. There is a still silent moment when Ripley and Newt realize they are witnessing, firsthand, the alien reproduction process. They stand among the eggs, the thing responsible for possible incorporation, or bisexuality. The camera pans across her long birth canal. The alien is shown in all her menacing glory. The alien breathes an intimidating breath at Ripley and Newt. Ripley fires her weapon, then points it at an egg. Looking at the alien, it understands for a moment, “I won't hurt your babies, if you do not hurt mine.” Then one egg begins to hatch. The bargain is off and Ripley fires at all the eggs. Ripley carries Newt away, but the elevator is broken, and the alien returns. Both get on the plane, driven by Bishop. Maternal motivation drives the action and the symbolic nuclear family holds strong throughout the film.

When the alien threatens the family institution, Ripley yells, “Get away from her you bitch!” She must incorporate with a robot before she can win the mom-to-mom battle. The alien’s phallic tail whips around injuring Ripley. Both fall into the abyss of castration. Ripley’s eye is bleeding. Ripley climbs out of they abyss, but is caught. Bishop, torn in half, who we now sympathize with as he is almost blown away, saves Newt. Ripley closes the door to the great unknown, and all is right with the world. Newt calls her “Mom!” Bishop claims, “Not bad for a human.” They are placed back in their womb-like pods. “Sleep tight” Ripley says. In a robotic tone, Newt says, “Affirmative.” Alien reproduction, bisexuality, and the unconscious converge. The Id is polymorphous- it is inevitably bi and hypersexual.

**Author's note: this was written under extreme sleep deprivation, but I still dig it**

Tarratt, Margaret. “Monsters from the Id.” Film Genre Reader III. Ed. Barry Keith Grant. Austin: University of Texas Press, 2007. 346-365. Print.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

What a Difference a Day Made… 24 Little Hours

As a dietitian asks a client to document food intake in a diary, a mass communications student must consciously understand their media consumption. Documenting my media use for a 24-hour period helped me become familiar with how I consciously and unconsciously utilize media. Recollections of the “grieving process” characterized my media deprivation experience. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance feelings surfaced throughout my day. The evening before the experiment, I experienced idealistic denial. I considered the obvious media I had to avoid such as my laptop, iPod, other music, DVDs, or cell phone. I prepared by calling and informing relevant friends and family of this assignment, ripping labels off the clothes I would wear, and additionally ripping labels off hygiene items I needed. At this point, I felt in control of my choices. I also felt as if I could truly avoid media and enjoy the opportunity to live a peaceful, mindful, and present day. In the past, I have consciously avoided media. I generally do not watch TV; sometimes I drive without the radio; or have avoided turning on my laptop if I notice an unhealthy dependence. Having previously deprived myself of media, I was hopeful and committed to completing a peaceful 24-hours. This hopeful feeling of being present and accepting quickly turned into anxiety.

My morning routine consisted of yoga, showering, eating, getting ready, and then leaving the house. I had a doctor’s appointment to attend and had to go to the beer distributor as I was hosting a get together the following day. Afterwards, I planned to drive to my boyfriend’s house, have dinner, and enjoy a media free evening. However, I was overwhelmed by the difficulty I had avoiding my routine media use. The most difficult media to avoid came from advertising. A Cheerios box and conditioner bottle were anxiety inducing. After examining the box and bottle, I realized they imposed dominant ideological values such as heterosexual marriage or gender role beliefs. I became disgusted and slightly irritable. I then began ripping labels off everything I could and hid other products whose labels I could not remove.

Advertising media was by far the media most difficult to avoid. It is everywhere. There were so many unavoidable media encounters in the doctor’s office. I mentally prepared myself, but I felt surrounded and almost paranoid. The pen and clipboard I encountered during the sign in process had drug advertisements. There were also TVs in the waiting room. My idea to use earplugs to ignore the sounds of the TV did not really work as I could easily hear everything. I attempted to avert my eyes from the advertisements. However, I noticed a drug advertisement on the examination table’s stirrup covers. I was at the OB/GYN and luckily, I only received a shot, so I did not have to physically touch the stirrups. I felt like I was experiencing a consumer-society information overload and very relieved to leave. Experiencing the advertisements at the beer distributor felt less personal. I expected sexist advertisements and that was exactly what I found. I did not avoid using the advertising media from the doctor’s office and the beer distributor because they were simply part of the errands I had to run. I also could not avoid using my debit card at both places. Debit cards contain a chip that can process data concerning the purchases I make. I have found this data collection most apparent in Target. When I use my debit card there, I receive coupons directly related to products I have bought in the past. With this in mind, using actual dollar bills appeared less media related, but I did not have any with me. To completely avoid all media, I should have stayed in bed all day, but I cannot simply give up 24-hours of my life. Necessity brought me out of the house.

While driving to my boyfriend’s house, I began staring at signs as if they were a newfangled thing. I forgot I was supposed to avoid media, and the religious signs outside of churches and on billboards were terribly interesting. Their messages were unavoidable and I even found myself pulling over to document their claims. My favorite was a billboard picturing Hell’s fiery flames. It asks, “Where are you going? Heaven or hell?” Resisting the messages on the billboards and church signs was difficult. Additionally, I noticed many signs for small at-home businesses and contemplated the local economy. There were several small repair shops and hair salons local community residents run from their home. I imagined the men probably work in their garages and the women take the livelihood of cutting and styling hair. Each house with a sign for an at-home small business did not seem to possess customers.

Some days I wish I could throw away my cell phone, so, I happily avoided making and accepting phone calls. From this experiment, I realized my body possesses a sort of muscle memory connection towards physically locating my cell phone. It was powered down, but I still continued routinely checking to be sure that it was in my pocket. I did not use my phone, but I asked my boyfriend to call two of my friends solidifying the following day’s plans. Making plans is impossible without some media form.

Silence overcame me while I was alone. Without media, there was a sort of quiet stillness. My boyfriend attempted to entertain me with some hand drums, but I was quickly irritated. I settled for the sound of wind chimes. I could not fully accept the quiet feeling. I found myself applying personal coping mechanisms due to media withdraw. My usual, seemingly positive, coping mechanisms for day-to-day stress tend to involve media use. I “tune in” to something like the Internet, music, or a friend on the phone, while simultaneously “tune out” whatever is plaguing me. As I was unable to use these particular coping mechanisms, I chose to clean and organize instead. The house was completely spotless.

During the class discussion on political economy and Smythe’s view that, “in a capitalist culture, all non-sleep is work time” I initially felt Smythe needed to lighten up and learn to relax. After closely paying attention to my media engagement, it became apparent media is embedded with codes to be identified and translated. Advertising requires an audience’s attention. Advertising exists to be decoded, so products are needed, then bought. As Marx claimed that all unpaid work was profit, my time spent connecting with advertisements and decoding their ideological implications was merely given away freely as a commodity. I found great difficulty choosing an activity that did not connect with a consumer product. Overall, this experiment felt like a success. It raised my awareness of my chosen and imposed media encounters.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Comparing and Contrasting Wollstonecraft and Woolf

Although Mary Wollstonecraft and Virginia Woolf write hundreds of years apart, both recognize the patriarchal system governing their societies, seek balance within the unequal standards set for men and women, and advocate their points using logical arguments. Both address a different audience, accept or deny different aspects of their cultural society, and offer women different options for status improvement. However, Wollstonecraft and Woolf both agree education is necessary.

In A Vindication of the Rights of Women, Mary Wollstonecraft addresses a male audience. She shows men an accessible, ideal, and educated woman. Wollstonecraft asks to be educated alongside men and clarifies the benefits. These benefits include woman as a better companion to man and a fit mother capable of educating her children. Wollstonecraft examines women's role as wife and mother, she accepts her culturally appointed gender role, but hopes to reform the ideals. Wollstonecraft also argues for increased rationality as a societal benefit. An uneducated and fearful person displays negative, unwanted characteristics more often due to their inequality. However, an educated person has the decision-making abilities to form opinions from knowledge they have acquired therefore living a happier, more conscious life. Wollstonecraft explains, "let the dignified pursuit of virtue and knowledge raise the mind above those emotions which rather imbitter than sweeten the cup of life, when they are not restrained within due bonds" (127). Speaking of "bonds", Woolf refers to women’s oppressed status within the patriarchal system (27). This system does not allow free unemotional thinking therefor leading to increased irrational decisions. Mary Wollstonecraft supports women’s education to improve aspects of her social role and increase rationality while using logical arguments.

In A Room of One's Own, Virginia Woolf speaks to a female audience addressing women's status based on opinions in literature, women's status in the economic sphere, and the psychology of anger. While addressing her female audience, Woolf often asks her readers to consider questions she has pondered herself. This forces readers to be conscious of women's position and actively conclude opinions. In chapter two, researches the truth behind women's lower status. Seeking her answer in reference books, Woolf realizes the literature is written by men with vastly differing opinions and little authority to theorize on woman's status. During her research, Woolf examines the psychology of anger. She sketches a picture of an angry male writer, but later realizes it displays her own displaced, complex anger. Finally, she revisits the professor’s initial anger and determines his emotions negatively influence his writing. She asserts, "If he had written dispassionately about women, had used indisputable proofs to establish his argument and had shown no trace of wishing the result should be one thing rather than another, one would not have been angry either" (34). Woolf seeks the rational argument against emotional thinking as Wollstonecraft does. Like Wollstonecraft, Woolf recognizes woman's role with man, but instead of seeing the value of befriending man, Woolf sees how this inflates man's ego and gives him a greater sense of power. She expresses, "Women have served all these centuries as looking-glasses possessing the magic and delicious power of reflecting the figure of man at twice its natural size" (35). Man’s power attained from woman's supportive role subordinates women. Illuminating this point from logical thought, Woolf explains, "[Men] insist so emphatically upon the inferiority of women, for if they were not inferior, they would cease to enlarge" (36). Woolf offers women the advice to obtain wealth and a room for themselves to attaining creative freedom.

After reading A Room of One's Own, I examined my life situation realizing I do not have a room of my own write without interruption. My boyfriend has a music studio; however, I "have" a desk in the living room, the kitchen table, a window seat, or an outside bench. None of these spaces exist for me to be creative alone. Additionally, I recently stopped my friend's home. His girlfriend moved in and the initial spaces are now rearranged with different functions. While giving a tour of their newly arranged and cleaned home, my male friend announced, "at least I still have a man-cave". This is an area in the garage where his personal posters are on the wall, instruments are strewn about, and a desk and mini fridge are present. This is a place for my male friend to explore creative musical endeavors. I did not notice and area for his girlfriend to explore her artistic endeavors. Having “a room of one’s own” is still a significant issue today. This concept is awesome to me, and I honestly do not think it should be that awesome. Maybe I will set up shop in the attic. Mary Wollstonecraft and Virginia Woolf both advocate for balanced standards for men and women and their arguments remain relevant.


Woolf, Mary. A Room of One's Own. New York: Harcourt. 1921. 25-40.

Wollstonecraft, Mary. A Vindication of the Right of Woman. On Moodle.